I’ve called it the Year of Perspective for I can think of no other title more fitting for 2015. Because if ever I’d thought a year long, 2015 showed me what a long year REALLY was. If ever I’d thought a year tough, 2015 showed me that I was talking plain smack.
It’s all relative, the year smirked. And I had no choice but to agree. And to surrender. For fighting it, any of it, was futile.
I’m not sure what I hope to achieve from this post, but I’m hopeful that summing up the year, its lessons, will bring me a step closer to putting it all behind me. I’m not deluded enough to imagine that buying a new calendar automatically ushers in a new me. We cannot shed out me-ness like a too tight skin when we cross the threshold of a new year. We carry with us, into the New Year, our problems, sadnesses, sorrow, and yes, even our joys.
So this is me, trying to distil the heaviness of a harsh year. Me, trying to pin it all down so that I can pretend to have shed it. Me seeking enlightenment at the bottom of a particularly bitter brew.
2015 taught me
- To count the small blessings. Every breath that you take with healthy lungs, every step you take with strong legs, every bit of unexpected joy, count it. Stop and savour it. We know life is unpredictable, but few of us really KNOW this completely.
- you WILL survive. And when you do, you will look back and wonder how the fuck you did so, but you will survive. Because He who tested you will also give you the strength you need to survive it all. Yes, you will be scarred. Yes, you will be drained. But you will survive. And that in itself is a modicum of success. A triumph.
- not all who are family are Family and certainly not all who are friends are Friends. And your dark days will teach you this. So be thankful for those who come through for you. Be thankful that you have such people in your life. Invest in those worthwhile relationships. Give a fuck. Because deep down, you know you do.
- when it all just feels too heavy, it’s okay to give it up for a bit. Just to lie down and say: I’m tired. I need to rest. I’ve had enough. It does not make you smaller or weaker or less when you do so. If anything, you’ll be stronger when you get up again (which you will do), more able to keep going. Being able to do this shows that you respect yourself enough. That you care about you. And you should care about you.
- some people are assholes. And it’s quite okay. And their being an asshole says nothing about you and everything about them. And your job on earth is not to fix them or change them. The only asshole you’re responsible for changing is yourself – if you’re being one. Cos let’s face it: We all have our asshole moments.
- if you have no control over it, just let it be.
- life isn’t fair. Often it’s ugly. But still, look for the beauty. What you seek is seeking you ~ Rumi
- nothing, not people, not situations, nothing is as it seems. So avoid drawing conclusions until you’re sure there is a conclusion to arrive at.
- Stop. Every once in a while. Just stop. And ask yourself: What makes me, me? Cos it’s easy to get lost, see. To get confused and think that this online presence, or this house, or the job, or the kids, this is me. It isn’t. Who would you be without these things? The older you get, the more mired in the external you become, the more important it becomes to be able to answer this question. So what is it then? What makes you, you?